So, after writing that blog post earlier today, I went ahead and messaged Ryan. I know, I know, it was a really stupid idea, but I had been thinking about it all day yesterday, and decided that instead of completely throwing him under the bus publicly for everything he did to me, it would be better of and for me to do it in private.
I ended my message to him by pasting a large segment of my blog, and letting him know that it was my response to his comment attacking me.
His response was to call me a martyr, because “If anyone tries to say something critical to you, it’s vicious.”
I’m having a hard time figuring out exactly how I became the bad guy here. I mean, aside from the fact that he clearly doesn’t know what martyr means, how in the world is it “critical” for me to know that I am “shallow” and a “monster” for standing up for my own feelings?! AND HOW DOES STANDING UP FOR MY OWN FEELINGS MAKE ME A BAD PERSON?!
…and how is that not a little vicious? The situation had nothing to do with him…
I’m really struggling right now. I don’t see whats wrong with wanting friends who actually care about me. I don’t see where a boy who abused me gets off telling me that I’m a bad person. What gives him the right, y’know?
I feel like I should be happy for him – apparently publicly berating me was the best thing he ever did for his self-confidence, and he’s feeling better than ever. At least, that’s what he told me. But I’m not even a little bit happy for him. Why should I be? I don’t care about him enough to let myself hurt so that he can be happy, not anymore. All he really did was remind me of why I decided to set a standard for my friendships. Because, yet again, my feelings have been pushed aside as unimportant and small.
But, I suppose that’s fitting, because I’m feeling kind of small right now.