I have a very old soul

Last weekend Sean and I visited an old friend of ours at his beach house. When I say old friend, I mean someone we both lost touch with for a few years, because he used to be a very…selfish person. He didn’t have the most upstanding morals, he caused a lot of hurt for both of us and people we cared about, and because of this we just kind of separated from him.

About a year ago Sean and this person were in a wedding together, and the three of us reconnected. So it only made sense that we would meet up during my long summer visit (especially since I’ve known this guy for as long as I’ve known Sean!).


Anyway, one night, Sean and I were talking about how our friend has changed. He’s become a much much better person, and I applaud him and his personal growth. It takes a lot to change as much as he has – a lot of will, a lot of strength of character, just a lot. However, not knowing him as well as Sean, he came across as very…self righteous, as a result of this personal growth. Like he knew that that change took a lot, and because of that he felt like he was a better person that the rest of us.

I was telling Sean I feel like this is the wrong way to handle such a big change in yourself. I feel that such a big change should come with a since of humbleness, an awareness of who you once were and the wrongs that occurred when you were that person. For example, Sean went through a period of depression where he was mean and angry and hurtful to everyone, especially me because I was there for him more than most people. Those of you who follow my blog are aware that we didn’t talk for about three months, and when he came back into my life he was a better person. But he knew he had hurt me, and even now there are times where he’ll apologize for who he once was. He is very down to earth about his growth.


Sean responded that this comes with maturity, and that Ryan would get there. But Ryan and I are the same age, so I don’t understand why this makes sense to me but he hasn’t caught on yet. Which is when Sean informs me that I am old. I was born 40, so I am 60 now. And that’s okay, because Sean is 60 as well.

60-year-old and this-isn’t-fair are your prescription lenses – that’s how you normally see the world. I’m sure you have other shades too, like sunglasses, maybe some yellow shades, some reading glasses. Maybe binoculars or a telescope. But your prescription is how you usually see things.

At first, I was like “haha, you’re funny,” but then it really struck me how true this is. A friend of my mom’s once told me I’ve been acting older than I am since I was a small child, and my dad frequently tells me that I am leaps and bounds ahead of where he was at my age (both where I am in life and where my priorities lie).


I think what struck me even more though, is that this is the first time one of my peers has pointed out my inner age in a positive light. Y’know, in high school it’s not really okay to be mature and prioritize. You’re supposed to party and have fun and not care about school. So my friends always picked at me for not making what I considered to be bad choices. It was nice to have someone other than an adult see that side of me as a good thing, because it’s something I love very much about myself.

I will leave you now with this video, which shows the episode of Boy Meets World I was referencing in my title. (It should skip to 15 minutes in, but if not, that’s where you’ll want to skip ahead to. Unless you’re like me, then feel free to watch the entire episode!)



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