Since I’ve been back to school, and my parents have begun the divorce project, I’ve been wanting more and more to just stop talking to my family. Mostly my mother. I feel like a terrible person for wanting this, but my mother really stresses me out. We don’t have conversations – we have her talking about herself and her life a lot and me nodding and saying “yeah” and “I understand” at all the right moments.
For example – last week I started working on design jobs. I’ve collected a few jobs that I’m doing free of charge in order to gain some experience and portfolio pieces. I’m really excited, because I feel like I’m finally working toward my end goal (a job as a designer), and my dad is proud of me. I called him to tell him, it was excited. I didn’t call my mother, because phone calls with her always take at least 20 minutes and I didn’t want to talk for that long. Instead I texted her. Her response was “I got cupcakes today!” with a smiley emote at the end. She wasn’t happy for me, she didn’t even acknowledge my texts.
Then a day or two later I texted both my parents to let them know Sean’s mother and I were going to be getting our hair done together during my visit, as a bonding thing. My dad was, again, happy for me. My mother said “ok.” and then launched into something that happened with dad that day.
And today my car is having trouble. The battery is dead, the hood won’t open (the latch to open it may be broken), and it’s parked in a different lot from my permit because they had an emergency evacuation of my lot in order to plow. My dad and I talked and set up a plan so I didn’t need to worry about it way too much, didn’t talk about anything else, but my mother turned the conversation around to her relationship within 4 texts. Asked what was wrong, asked if I made it to the store this weekend, told me this wouldn’t be a problem if I still had my van (which my dad got rid of when I went to college last year), and then told me she and dad weren’t going to be able to be friends.
Right on cue, my mother effectively turned my stressed out text about my car (which I only sent her because I feel obligated to tell my mother important things like that I have no car. I know she’d be hurt if she found out from someone other than me when I can easily text her) into a conversation about her divorce.
I understand that this divorce is a huge deal for her, but it’s like I don’t even have a mother anymore, and I don’t know what to do about it.