I Give Up At Life

My parents are getting divorced. 

I know I’ve said that, what? Four times now? And I feel awkward and uncomfortable telling people again because most people don’t even react anymore. But it’s the real deal this time, papers are being filed, boxes are being packed, it’s really happening. 

And I am not handling it well at all. I don’t know why – you’d think after going through this four times I’d be numb or something. But, in fact, knowing this time is final, makes it that much worse. I’ve been anxious and wound up and not sleeping – it’s terrible. I keep panicking about Sean and I’s relationship. Don’t get me wrong, absolutely nothing is wrong with our relationship, but my parents are falling apart after 21 years and it has me doubting pretty much everything. 

He’s being wonderful though. No matter how bad I get, he’s right there assuring me that we’re going to be okay and that he’s not going anywhere. It amazes me how understanding he can be, even when I don’t understand my own feelings. He says divorce is a big deal, whether you’re going through it for the first time or the fifth time. 

 

I wish I could tell more people. I just feel so uncomfortable telling my friends. I mean, I’ve said this, gotten upset over it, so many times now, that it just feels…silly, to be getting upset again now. I haven’t told any of my close friends, besides Sean and June. Is that terrible? 

 

 

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