I’ve been wanting to post for a few days now, but I didn’t want to disrupt my prof’s grading process. Hopefully she’s mostly done with mine by now, and this won’t bother her xD

So, I had my ct scan on Friday, and I’m waiting anxiously for my results right now. My stomach pain has been getting worse, which terrifies me. That means whatever I have is getting worse too, right? Probably? I don’t know.

I read an article about ovarian cancer yesterday – I didn’t look it up, it just kind of fell into my lap. I guess in the early stages it may not show up in a ct scan, but women tend to have symptoms such as abdominal pain, indigestion, bloating, change in bowel movement, and things like that. They ignore them or are treated for other diseases they don’t have, and then find out later that they have cancer, often when it’s too late. When my doctor calls, I may mention this to him. I know it sounds farfetched, but I would rather bring it up as a possibility than ignore it and actually have it.

 

I get so frustrated when I talk to people about how I might be seriously sick and they almost…shrug it off. Like, I was just telling someone all the above stuff, and how worried I am, and her response was “Ovarian cancer? Hmm…I don’t think so.”

That’s nice, ma’am, but this is my body and I’m the one having all the symptoms, I think I have a better chance of figuring out what’s wrong with me than you do. Maybe instead of telling my I’m worrying too much and I need to calm down you should remember that this is MY body and it hurts and that’s terrifying. You aren’t in pain right now, you’re perfectly healthy, you don’t have a damn thing to worry about. It’s easy to say not to worry when you’re a-okay.

Reactions like that make it hard for me to talk to people about how scared I am. I feel like they’re trying to invalidate my fears and then I just want to hide them.

 

I’m going to rest and continue to wait for a call now.

 

Peace, Love, and Health,

Jax

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