Hello my lovely subscribers, and everyone else who reads my blog sometimes ❤ I hope you’ve had a wonderful almost two weeks since we last saw each other 🙂 Any plans for Memorial Day weekend? (feel free to share in comments! I’m spending mine by the pool!)
I’m really sorry for the huge lack of blogging. See, back when I last blogged it was Finals Week, so I really didn’t have time. I spent all of my time studying, testing, and sleeping. And then I drove home (all SIX hours). And then I hung out with this friend and that friend, packed up my entire room and moved it from the bedroom I’ve had for 16 years to the basement, had a fight with my mom, and started working. That’s right, Jax has a full time job now!
There’s really a lot to explain. To start with, I am officially a college sophomore. That’s terrifying. I mean, really. My freshman year FLEW by. In three years I’m gonna be in the real world. With a job and an apartment/house and…that’s scary! But I’m not as scared about it as I was a couple weeks ago when that hit me. (in case you’re curious, I passed my classes with an A-, two B’s, and a B-! I’m pretty okay with this!)
The other big thing right now is my new job. This summer I am working as a Digital Marketing Director for a local insurance company. I work from 9 to 5, and get paid $10. It’s actually pretty awesome. I get paid to do things like set up and run facebook and twitter accounts, and eventually I’ll be blogging for them as well. I’m also working on their new site – it should be launched within the next week.
So yeah, that’s mostly life right now. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Jordan – a friend I’ve known since middle school. We’ve never been in the same place long enough to really hang out, so our friendship was very digital for a long time. It’s nice to actually see him and stuff. I’ve also finally figured out my schedule enough to allow time to talk to Sean almost nightly, which is super nice. In a month he’ll be in Hillsdale! I’m so excited 🙂
On another, less super happy awesome note, remember that sailor I used to talk about? Particularly when I first started my blog, and my “journey”? Travis? Yeah, well, he’s coming home today. And I’m angry with him, and I have been for a while, and I’m just kind of waiting to see what will happen right now. I’m just…so mad. And I think I’ve been holding on to that anger for a while. I’m angry that he and I dated for so long, and that we agreed to try and make things work despite the distance, and I was willing to and tried so hard, while he moved to California and suddenly quit texting me, and quit calling me, and then he got on a boat for 6 months, telling me we’d keep in touch and it would be okay, and then didn’t start regularly contacting me until about a month ago.
I realized recently that the distance was never the issue – I can handle distance, I’m doing it right now with Sean – Travis was always the issue. He never put any effort in. And I guess I thought that what we had was worth it, and was under the impression that he thought I was worth it. He only fought to get me to date him for the entirety of my sophomore year of high school…I guess I thought that meant something?
But yeah. I’m trying to figure out how to deal with that, and get it out of my head. I’m putting too much of myself into maintaining a friendship with someone who does nothing but hurt me. I want to get away from that, so I can put more of myself into people and relationships that do matter…like Sean, and my family, and my close friends.
At first I thought maybe I’d just tell Travis how I feel – but then I remembered how he always had a knack for invalidating my feelings, and making me feel worse. So that’s more or less out the window. I think it’s just going to take some time. I didn’t text him at all yesterday, and I’m starting to think about it less, so maybe this is a good start. I just don’t see the point in putting so much effort into a friendship with someone who probably wouldn’t even talk to me if I didn’t text him first.
My boss just got back from lunch, which means I need to get myself back to work. This was a nice break though – after hours of quote writing, I needed it. Tonight will be nice too – I’m going to see Avengers with Jordan, then a little swing dancing, and then maybe I’ll get to talk to Sean, depending on his plans. I could definitely use the down time.
Peace, Love, and Friends-Who-Care,
P.S. I restarted my twitter! You should check it out – I’m adding the feed on here, feel free to follow me ❤