Did you guys know that it’s been a whole year since Sean announced that he had feelings for me? That’s right, it’s the anniversary of our feelings :3
Sadly, things have been a little eh this week. We’ve had some form of upsettedness in almost every conversation we’ve had since, like, Friday or Saturday. We’re both just so busy, and he’s been stressing, and I’ve been feeling antisocial.
[I kind of can’t wait until this weekend, when we’ll hopefully be less stressed and able to spend some time together where we aren’t both tired andor busy. Hopefully that will take some of the tension off of our conversations!]
The other night we were talking about how I plan on hanging out with somewhat of an ex of mine this summer. Sean wasn’t sure how he felt about it, and compared it to how I would feel if he hung out with his ex-girlfriend.
At first I was like “yeah, sure, that’s fair enough,” but then it occurred to me that none of the exes I might hang out with have tried to ruin things between Sean and I. None of them have bad-mouthed him to me. And if they did, I wouldn’t want to hang out with them anyway.
Either way, this thought led to a small evaluation of the past month or so, all that drama from whenever it went down, etc. And I realized that on some level, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m still hurting. I’m still angry that I was made into a bad guy, and that I apologized for causing hurt but was never apologized to, even though I was harshly misjudged and bad-mouthed way before I said anything even remotely hurtful. And I decided that I’m tired of trying to hide my opinions and keep everything inside because my blog is monitored by the people involved in this drama.
And I decided I didn’t care anymore. I don’t care who reads this, I’m going to post what I want. Because the longer I try to censor what I say, the longer I’m going to hold on to all this crap.
(I took my first step and I feel 10 times lighter)
On another note, I’m about to watch Signs for the second time this week. I’m supposed to write a 3 page paper analyzing it and I just didn’t get it enough the first time through. I’ve also decided not to work out tonight – I have not been sleeping well, and I’m just too tired to perform my best right now.
OH! And I’ve got a potential summer job lined up 🙂 I’d be doing IP work for a local insurance firm. Yayy!!
Peace, Love, and Moving Forward,