So, recently I’ve been thinking about the existence of a divine and ultimate being.
I’ve never been the most religious of people. My family wasn’t the church-going sort when I was young, the Bible wasn’t heavily referred to in my home. I never really solidified some sort of spiritual belief for myself, and as I got older and found that many people fight about religion and spirituality, I chose not to because, well, it just felt easier. It’s always seemed easier to me to stay out of the religious debate – to be open to other’s religion, and to spend more time living my life than thinking about how I came to be here and what comes after I die.
My dad made the most shocked face when he told my brother we were Christians today and I said “I’m not, I’m agnostic. I don’t know what I believe, and I don’t usually care too much either way.”
After the wedding last night, Daniel and I stood outside talking about this for a while. He understands my struggles, my inability to wholly believe in something that I have no proof exists. My father says I’m supposed to have blind faith, but I can’t do that. I have a hard enough time having faith in the things I can see sometimes!
Daniel told me I just need to ask God. I need to tell him I have a hard time believing in him, and that I want to but I need proof. I just need to ask him and be open to him and he will show me.
So that’s what I’m trying to do.
I’m trying to open myself to the possibility of a God.
It’s strange and weird and hard and I feel a little silly, to be honest, but I’m trying.
I think Sean thinks it’s a good idea. Or likes the idea, or something.
My mom also made an interesting point in favor of faith today. She reminded me that I was born two months premature, and she saw other babies born premature the entire month I spent in the hospital, born less premature than me with more health conditions than I had, who died because they were born premature. While so many children who are born premature don’t make it, or go home with oxygen attachments, or mature and learn slower than other children, I was healthy, I have no health conditions due to my premature birth, and I’ve actually always been ahead of other people my age in regards to school and such. She truly feels that there is no other explanation for that but God.
So, here I am, exploring my faith, and asking a God I’ve never really thought too hard about to help me find Him. In this moment, I’d also like to open up the comment section to your thoughts and feelings toward religion, God, and what led you to or away from Him.
That’s all for tonight, folks.
Peace, Love, and Faith,