Strangers With Memories

This is my friend Matthew and me before prom.

I’ve known Matthew for a long time. Since my freshman year of high school. That’s, what? 5 years?

Matthew was one of my best friends that year. He helped me find the strength I needed to put an end to my first real relationship, which was with someone emotionally abusive who often threatened suicide when I suggested breaking up. Matthew was there for me, he helped me remember that whatever that boy did ย was not my fault. He was my rock.

We dated for a while near the end of my freshman and his senior year. Just a couple months, if I remember correctly.
I ended up breaking up with him, for stupid reasons, and sometimes I still regret that decision because it hurt our friendship for a while.

Things were tough when Matthew moved back to Ann Arbor, a couple hours away, to be with his family and to go to school. At first he tried making me (and some of our other friends) angry with him, so it wouldn’t be so hard for him to leave, but in the end we just agreed to keep in touch and whatnot. We talked on msn and facebook and on the phone. Matthew even came back to visitย occasionally, when we could find time.

Matthew visiting during the summer.

While we didn’t keep in touch as much as I’d have liked at times, we had the kind of friendship that always bounced back. We’d go a few months without talking, then have a crazy long phone call. Matthew was always someone I knew I could go to if I needed something, and I hope he felt the same about me.

Matthew is the only guy friend I have who my parents trusted to stay the night at my house. After my graduation party, he slept over and we ate candy and watched movies until we were both struggling to stay awake.

The last time I saw Matthew was New Year’s Eve.

He came down for the New Year’s Masquerade, we hung out and talked and it was a really nice time.

Since then, something has happened.

I don’t know what, but it scares the crap out of me.

Because for the first time in the 5 years I’ve known Matthew, he’s shutting me out.

He won’t answer my calls, or my texts – it’s like I don’t even exist.

The worst part is, I ย *67’d him today. He answered, and it was like talking to a stranger.

He didn’t recognize my voice, and when I said who I was, and asked why he’s been avoiding me,

all he said was “I have my reasons.”

I don’t know if I’ve done something, or if something has happened in his life.

I don’t know what reason he has for shutting me out.

Even worse, he sounded almost…angry…when he answered the phone and realized it was me.

I don’t know what to do right now.

I tried giving him space for a while, and I just want him to be okay.

I’ve always been there for him…I feel like giving up would…would…I don’t know, would make me a bad friend?

But really, I just miss this kid:

Peace, Love, and Worry (or more so, don’t, I think I’ve got worrying covered right now),

Jax

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