Ah, it’s been so good to be home.
I love the 5 hour drive from Wisconsin to Michigan with my daddy – I feel like it’s really good for both of us.
We talk loads and listen to music and have a good time.
I’ve had a really nice time being home. I’ve gamed, I’ve chilled, I went on my first real date in 2 years (excluding Travis, obviously. And seeing as he and I were dating-ish for most of those 2 years, it’s not as pathetic as it sounds, lol). I’ve seen my best friend, and I’m gonna swing dance tomorrow night. Overall, it’s been a fantastic week.
I’m a little hurt right now though.
I texted Sean to wish him a happy thanksgiving, and let him know that I’m thankful for our many years of friendship, and hopeful for many more.
Because I am, y’know?
And his response (along with the small conversation that followed) wasn’t particularly pleasant.
He snapped at me. He told me I was trying to speed up “the process.”
I wasn’t…I was just letting him know that I’m thankful for him. I do that on days like this – tell people how much they mean to me.
It wasn’t like I only did it to him. I told Travis and Josh and Mike how much they mean to me too.
But either way. From there I told him that we should talk.
Because I’m assuming his “process” is something like healing.
And I lack in the closure I need to heal.
And he snapped at me again, because apparently my texts were taking him away from his family.
(Which also wasn’t my intention. I told him to go spend time with his family and we could discuss this stuff later.
But his response made it sound like it pretty much didn’t matter.)
I’m hurt because I feel like he’s forgotten that I am just as emotionally invested in our friendship as he is.
He’s trying to heal, but won’t extend me the courtesy of a serious conversation so that I may do the same.
I care about Sean enough that I can go back to not talking to him.
I get the feeling that’s what he wants.
Will I get the closure I need to mend our friendship in the future?
It’s no longer my decision.
It’s kind of like that little saying,
ball is in his court.
It’s time for Jax to focus on what makes Jax happy. 🙂
And on that note, Jax would like to share the things she has been thankful for today.
I’m thankful for the friends I’ve had for years. For Sean, and Haley, and Maggiey – the people who have been there for me when I needed them most. I’m thankful for all of the awesome new people I’ve grown close to in the past few months – Kaila, and Josh, and Mike. They have helped me find a strength I did not know was within me. I’m thankful for my family, despite the rough times we’ve been having (I’m thankful we could all set aside our differences long enough for a wonderful meal today). I’m thankful for the love of Travis, which has withstood almost 20 months, and around 3,000 miles.
I’m thankful for the strength and abilities God has given me. For the knowledge that I will never be given more than I can handle, even if it seems impossible at the time.
Goodnight all you lovely people!
Peace, Love, and Thanks,