You Were Just Always Talkin’ ‘Bout Changin’, Changin’

I feel like everything in my life is changing and spinning out of my control.

 

The closest thing to something stable and unmoving in my life is Travis, and he is 2,350 miles away.

 

I started biting my nails again recently. They were getting really nice and long, and now they’re scraggly nothings.

 

I’m getting super nervous about college. The idea of going some place new with a bunch of people I don’t know terrifies me, possibly more than it excites me.

 

 

And I’m worried about my parents. Things seemed really good for a while, but things seem to be getting worse. And I don’t understand any of it. Half the time, I feel like they don’t even want to try and find away to solve whatever is wrong between them.

 

A few days ago my dad told me I need to be there for my mom.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to be there for her when, at the worst times, I need someone to be there for me. As their 18 year old daughter, I am not strong enough or unemotionally attached enough to be there for my mother and hold myself together.

 

That, and sometimes I feel like my mom takes out her frustration with my dad on me. He was on a trip this weekend, and every time he didn’t text her back for a long time she started worrying. Maybe he’s sick of me. He probably doesn’t want to talk to me. I asked him when he was going to be home and he didn’t answer..he probably doesn’t want to come home. And when I suggested that maybe he was eating (he doesn’t like to text during meals) or driving, or a plethora of other things he wouldn’t text during, she’d snap at me.

I mean, I understand she’s upset…but I’m just trying to help, y’know?

 

*sigh*

I don’t know.

Things really just suck right now.

 

It’s a day where I’d like to just drive myself down to California and find that Navy base.

I know Travis would send me straight back home, because college is important and blahblahblah,

but at least I’d get out of here for a little bit.

 

 

Peace, Love & Roadtrips,

Jax

 

 

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