Friends >.< (and some prayers)

Today was a really long day. *yawn*
I was supposed to do a greek goddess inspired photo shoot with my photography friend and our other friend, but then it rained, so we chilled and watched Howl’s Moving Castle. Which, by the way, is a magnificent movie that you should all run out and see. Click here for the trailer 🙂
Anyway. After the movie finished we realized that it had stopped raining. My photography friend immediately began begging to go out and do some sort of photoshoot in the woods/swamp behind my house, as originally planned for the day. However, it was 7ish at night and wet and buggy, and neither myself or our other friend really wanted to.
So my photography friend offers to buy us both a box of Little Debbie snack cakes.
This is where I have an extremely difficult time with my photography friend. I love her dearly, but she pouts when she doesn’t get what she wants, and she buys people, all the time. She has even looked at me before and said “I know I’m not a good friend, so I just buy people stuff.”

And I laughed at the time, but then later realized she was serious, and I don’t like that. I get tired of feeling like I’m being bought.

And I get tired of feeling like I can’t tell her no.
Because when she doesn’t get her way she cries.

She even made a comment later, about how she could have said that we should humor her because things didn’t pan out right with her student loan and now she’s not going to college as planned, and she’s disappointed. And that really upset me, because even though she said she wasn’t trying to guilt trip us, the fact that she still felt the need to say it makes me feel like she was.

And then I made her cry. Because I told her it sounded like a guilt trip. And she said something about how it’s not supposed to be, but she’s still upset about college and cries about it sometimes.

*sigh*

It’s not my fault.
And I didn’t mean to make her cry.

Anyway. I also had a not-so-good realization about this friend today.

She has very little regard for other people’s belongings.

Example from today: she pushes for me to wear my combat boots. Which are practically new – I’ve worn them twice. I refuse, because we’re about to go tromping through the mud and wet, and they are fake combat boots and I don’t know how well they’ll hold up. And even if they did hold up, they’re still really new and I don’t want to have to scrub them already.

Example from our last photo shoot: In our last shoot she had me wear my full sequin dress. (No seriously, this dress is entirely sequins. It’s shiney and awesome and purple). Anyway, we’re walking along and we get to the railroad tracks. She tells me to sit on them. The railroad tracks in town aren’t used much, and are very rusty and dirty and old. When you touch them, your hand comes up orange and brown and gross. Why in God’s name would I sit on that in my really nice dress that I’ve only worn a couple times? Of course, I’m being difficult. It doesn’t matter that it’s my dress that might get ruined, so long as she gets her shot.

Example from another photo shoot: She asks me to wear the black dry-clean only dress that I bought for a formal party. What she doesn’t tell me is I’ll be standing in/on/around a muddy dirty river. I got mud on my dress. And “over exaggerated” because I knew my mother would be upset (dry cleaning isn’t exactly cheap, y’know?). All that mattered, again, was that she got her shot.

I love her dearly, I really do, but sometimes it’s really hard to want to do photo shoots with her, because I have to constantly worry that she’ll ask me to do something that may ruin my nice stuff. And then she gets upset with me, because my stuff doesn’t matter, all that matters is that she gets her shot.

But at the same time, I hate to tell her no, because then she cries.

*sigh*

On another note, last night and tonight have been two of the rare times that I’ve prayed. A very good friend of mine asked me to. And, despite my general religious feelings, and the fact that I don’t pray often, I couldn’t bear to tell him no. I didn’t want to let him down.

He’s seemed so sad recently, and I just want him to be happy. And if knowing I’m praying for him helps in some way, I’m more than happy to do that.

That’s all for tonight. This was mostly a rant post, because, well, I needed to rant. I am exhausted and frustrated.

Peace, Love & Sleepysleeps,

Jax

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