To My First Love,
We last spoke about a week ago.
You told me I should date my last boyfriend again. The one that’s in the Navy, and lives 2300 miles away.
“You were happiest with him,” you said.
You told me the distance shouldn’t matter, as long as I really love him.
“You do love him, don’t you?” you asked.
I reminded you that distance was always your excuse for not wanting to date me.
We haven’t talked since.
If love conquers distance, why were you never mine? Why did you tell me you loved me, then leave, over and over again? Everything was fine and dandy, and then out of no where you’d stop calling, stop answering your phone, stop instant messaging.
You are a coward. You are a coward who would rather run and hide than ever let himself be happy, ever let himself feel. You hurt me, but that didn’t matter so long as you were safe.
You never deserved me.
You scarred me with your uncertain ways. With the love you were never sure about, with the love that was never truly mine.
Because of you, I worry that the people I care about will disappear, just like you did. I worry that the people who claim to love me are lying, are just toying with me, just like you did.
You are a coward and a liar, and I still haven’t forgiven you.
But, thanks to you, I know that if someone really loves me, they will never leave. No matter how bad things get, they will stand by my side.
Just as I was always willing to do for you.